My stepfather Ben has now been moved from the
hospital where he spent six weeks, first into transitional-care and then
into a long-term care facility, a place that is likely to be his home for
awhile. The bed sores he had have mostly healed, although they've
done so very slowly. Unfortunately, it is becoming increasingly difficult
for him to perform functions that just a few months ago he took for granted.
He needs assistance simply to roll over in bed, and it usually requires
more than one person to help him in and out of bed and into his new electric
wheelchair. In November, he was shuffling cards and playing cribbage
with me. These days, he prefers to have someone else shuffle for
him. Meanwhile, his short-term memory has been failing him more noticably
than it had been. Ben mostly manages to put on a couragous face,
but recently he told me that he has been feeling depressed, as anyone would
expect under these circumstances.
Although he requires a lot of professional care, at age 66 he finds himself in a facility where he is substantially younger and certainly more alert than the typical person around him who's receiving care. He prefers to have meals in his room rather than go to the cafeteria where it seems quite depressing to be around people who are much more elderly and ailing, some of whom sit and moan loudly about their discomforts.
My mother visits Ben nearly every day. She has dealt with an abundance of headaches and financial rigmarole to get Ben set up in the facility and to provide both for his long-term care and her own financial security. After some months of troubling over details with doctors, lawyers and other professionals, she seems to be getting things under control to where she can finally relax a little. The house is quieter and lonelier now, but there is little doubt that this is a far less stressful arrangement for her. It was clear that it no longer made sense for her to attempt to care for Ben at home. As Ben began to have more health problems at home, my mother's efforts to provide care for him were indeed very noble, certainly beyond what some might have attempted. I had some concern for the impact it could potentially have upon her health. Now, as Ben's condition has changed further, there is some peace of mind that comes from knowing he is in good hands, receiving more assistance than my mother could provide, even though his new surroundings are no match for home. My mother hopes to relocate Ben into a facility that would be both more pleasant for him and closer to where she lives.
Trip to Arizona and California -- I had been planning to visit my mother and Ben at their winter home in Arizona, as I have for five of the last eight winters, and although they had to cancel their trip, I had already booked mine and I decided to go anyway. I travelled for five days, stopping briefly at their winter home in Apache Junction, visiting my cousin Dave Oman and his family in Tucson, and relaxing in quirky but pleasant Bisbee, Arizona, near the Mexican border.
Dean in the
Arizona
backcountry
Saguaro cacti
I then flew to San Diego, where I spent several days visiting my long-time friends Hatem and Kathy Mostafa. Since this was the 10th time I'd been to San Diego, there was no need for sight seeing, and I was content just to relax with my friends.
"Surreal" meeting -- "Surreal" was the only word for it -- seeing again for the first time in nearly a quarter century what remains after all this time as the most significant love interest of my life. It had been nearly 25 years to the date since my friend Cathy Sultan and I had parted, as she left Minnesota for California. Although I visited her in California a few months later in 1977, that would be the last time I saw her until my recent trip to California when we arranged to get together for lunch near where she and her family live in a Los Angeles suburb. Although many things change in 25 years, many other things remain amazingly the same. She's been married for nearly as long and has three lovely daughters, two of whom are college age. I met her husband Mark, a kind fellow who has always been very noble about Cathy and my continued attempts to maintain contact by phone and by email over the past decade (after more than a decade of no contact). The three of us chatted for two hours at a Chinese restaurant, time that seemed to go by in a flash. Cathy looked and seemed amazingly as I remembered her to be 25 years ago. She's still a rambunctious ball of fire that's impossible not to take note of, nor is one likely to forget even after a limited meeting. What's not to love???
She gave me a quick tour of the library where she worked, introduced me to her colleagues, and showed me the pictures of her daughters on the wall -- all of whom are very attractive and talented. Cathy and I were both left wishing we had arranged to spend more time together that day. She pondered the notion of driving down to San Diego where I was staying with Hatem and Kathy, and Mark encouraged her to do so, but for whatever reason she didn't end up doing so. We're back now to occasional emails and less occasional telephone calls (including a two hour one recently), and I'm so very happy that we were able to get together and that we've managed to keep contact across so many miles for so many years.
Other winter events:
-- Spent a December weekend in New York City just enjoying
city life -- and paying homage to ground zero.
-- Brief visit by my friend Greg Brown (brother of Gary
Brown), who's preparing with his wife to relocate to DC from the UK.
COMING UP NEXT QUARTER: Wow, nothing planned!
Check in and let me know what's up with you.
You can contact me by clicking on this E-mail address:
mail@deanoman.com.
Review previous newsletters:
Fall 01
-- Dean's News Vol 5, No. 2, 12/01/01 -- Boston, Minnesota, New York City
Summer
01 -- Dean's News Vol 5, No. 1, 09/01/01 -- Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia and
Minnesota
Spring
01 -- Dean's News Vol 4, No. 4, 06/01/01 -- Baltic Nations, Poland and
Czech Republic
Winter
01 -- Dean's News Vol 4, No. 3, 03/01/01 -- Boston and Arizona
Fall 00
-- Dean's News Vol 4, No. 2, 12/01/00 -- Colorado, Minnesota and Gettysburg
Summer
00 -- Dean's News Vol 4, No. 1, 09/01/00 -- Minnesota and Washington
Spring
00 -- Dean's News Vol 3, No. 4, 06/01/00 -- Eurailing in Europe, and Minnesota
Winter
00 -- Dean's News Vol 3, No. 3, 03/01/00 -- Jamaica, Arizona and the Millennium
Fall 99
-- Dean's News Vol 3, No. 2, 12/01/99 -- The Middle East and Minnesota
Summer
99 -- Dean's News Vol 3, No. 1, 09/01/99 -- Minnesota
Spring
99 -- Dean's News Vol 2, No. 4, 06/01/99 -- Pacific Northwest
Winter
99 -- Dean's News Vol. 2, No. 3, 03/01/99 -- Haiti and the Dominican Republic
Fall 98
-- Dean's News Vol. 2, No. 2, 12/01/98 -- Germany, Poland and Czech Republic
Summer
98 -- Dean's News Vol. 2, No. 1, 09/01/98 -- A summer romance
Spring
98 -- Dean's News Vol. 1, No. 4, 06/01/98 -- New York City and Minnesota
trips
Winter
98 -- Dean's News Vol. 1, No. 3, 03/01/98 -- Arizona and Colorado trip
Fall 97
-- Dean's News Vol. 1, No. 2, 12/01/97 -- Venezuela and Trinidad
Summer
97 -- Dean's News Vol. 1, No. 1, 09/01/97 -- Toronto and Niagara Falls
Best wishes to all,
Deano
